As far as I can recall, I first felt depressed after the death of my maternal grandfather when I was eight. I felt alone and lost in my world; something was missing, but I could not figure out what it was really.
Over time, I came to realize that my depressive episodes were almost always triggered by the death of someone, especially young people. Each time a young person died, I felt life was meaningless, since anytime it could end, and all would be over. This idea made me sink into some kind of bottomless pit and I felt overwhelmed—the suffering was so intense.
For other reasons also, I sank into that hole of despair, but somebody’s death was the main trigger. In 1986, my eldest sister died, and the true spiral started. Two years later, it was my father’s turn. This was more than I could bear—at least, I thought so. Intermittent states of severe depression would hit my life and make it unbearable sometimes: life was senseless, but I was afraid of dying. This pattern would last for years.
In 1991, I went to France, where I went through many trials. There, I went through some Dark Nights of the Soul. However, today, I consider my stay there as one of the greatest gifts of life. It is mostly there that I found books on spirituality, metaphysics, and similar subjects that would broaden my mind. I also developed an intense compassion and understanding for other human beings and animals.
When I came back to Rodrigues Island in 1993, I felt somehow relieved but, sometimes depressions would knock at the door. A remark from somebody could trigger hours of negative thoughts and intense suffering.
Meditation, prayer, deep relaxation, medication, and listening to music helped me a lot. Reading inspiring and self-help books was lifesaving. In 2005, “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle changed my life. It taught me to disconnect from my debilitating thoughts, at least for a moment. And this was so relieving.
Meanwhile, I had become very passionate about writing: journaling and poetry. I wrote dark poems to drown my suffering, but also wrote uplifting ones to give me some reasons to keep going. In December 1921, I published some of these edifying poems and have decided to publish more of them to inspire and support others on their journey.
I would like to use this platform to spread my writings to inspire readers, and also keep them up to date on any new publications.
Joseph Jean Baptiste Jolicoeur